Skinny Love
by Josy Hummel
Summary: Kurt is skinny. He's always been. But when he tries to Appeal to his best friend Blaine, he's loosing control. And suddenly staying alive is just not an Option anymore. (Suicide attempt, Rated M for a reason! Klaine, obviously)
1. Chapter 1 - Reasons

**Skinny love**

**Come on skinny love just last the year,  
Pour a little salt we were never here,  
My my my, my my my, my-my my-my...  
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer.**

I tell my love to wreck it all,  
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall,  
My my my, my my my, my-my my-my...  
Right in the moment this order's tall.

And I told you to be patient,  
And I told you to be fine,  
And I told you to be balanced,  
And I told you to be kind,  
And now all your love is wasted,  
Then who the hell was I?  
'Cause now I'm breaking at the bridges,  
And at the end of all your lies.

Who will love you?  
Who will fight?  
And who will fall far behind?

Come on skinny love

* * *

**Hey guys :)**

**I'm so happy to present you this Story it will be up in three parts, it's written by me, but my best friend Friedi had the best ideas (She saved me from writing something incredibly stupid, Love to her!)! The theme song is "Skinny love" by Bon Iver (covered by Birdy). It includes Suicidal thoughts and bulimia (O.o), so don't read it if it could trigger you. It's kind of Kurt's AND Blaine's AND Rachel's POV, I couldn't make up my mind ;) and is set after Kurt went to NYC and Blaine had this crush on Sam. But it's kind of AU, because Kurt and Blaine never got together. Um, yeah, you'll see :)**

**Enjoy and please tell me what you think! (Btw, everybody reading my other stories: I WILL upload something in the next time, but probably sometimes after Christmas, I'm kind of stressed with it, so sorry)**

**Love and Thanks for reading!**

**Josy **

* * *

Kurt Hummel has never been a person without self-confidence.

Yes, he has been bullied his whole life for just being himself, but he never stopped actually _being_ himself.

He kept running his life, doing the things he liked, ignoring the people he hated and loving the ones he liked.

Well, actually there was only _one_. One guy he wanted to love, to hold, to kiss and to be with.

Blaine Anderson, hottest and at the same time cutest guy in the world. He had gentle hands, a smile like the Cheshire-Cat, huge hazel-green eyes, cute curls…

And a huge crush on their friend Sam Evans.

And in the moment Kurt realized that, he knew, there would never be a happy ending for him.

It was on a Saturday afternoon, when Kurt was over from NYC. They had spent the whole day watching movies and chatting about the newest Vogue, when Blaine had the idea of showing Kurt their last Performances. At first Kurt was truly excited, but then Blaine put on their "Applause"-performance and Sam came on stage wearing nothing than some huge Wings and black tight pants.

He glanced at Blaine, whose eyes were practically glued to the screen, and sighed.

"You really like him, don't you?" Blaine nodded furiously and blushed a little.

"Yeah I do. I mean, I know he's straight and all that, but… how could I not? Look at this _body_, Kurt, everybody looks like _nothing_ compared to that!"

It felt like he had cut his heart with a sword. Kurt hesitantly looked down his chest and abdomen. It _did_ look like nothing.

No muscles, no nice skin tone and girly gay-stereotype clothing.

"Are you okay, Kurt? You look pale."

That too.

"Yeah, of course, I'm okay."

Probably ugly and fat, but _okay._

Blaine smiled and returned his attention to the TV.

And in this moment Kurt made a decision.

He had to do something against his ugliness.

For Blaine.

* * *

**_Two months later_**

"Kurt? Everything alright? You were in there for about an hour, I have to pee!" Rachel shouted from outside of the bathroom, knocking loudly on the door. Kurt stood up and wiped his mouth.

"One minute, Rachel!" She groaned in frustration and he heard her steps disappear into the kitchen. Kurt smiled sadly.

_Putting your finger down your throat isn't that easy, you know Rachel? It's hard, actually. It takes some time._

He flushed the toilet, splashed some water in his face and took a deep breath while taking out his toothbrush.

The taste of vomit was still disgusting, even after three months of tasting it nearly three times a day.

But he hadn't lost as much weight as he wanted. He needed to do more sport.

When Rachel finally got to use the bathroom, she looked at him suspiciously. But he just shrugged, smiled and walked into his room to change into something sportier.

Rachel waited until he closed the door behind him and sneaked to his room, pushing the door open a little with a quiet squeaky noise so she could look at Kurt.

And when she saw him shirtless, just yet pulling his shirt over his head she gasped.

She would have thought about his torso in this moment, but there just wasn't any. It was like looking at broken bones or strangely carved stone, it looked _surreal._

Kurt was so, _so_ skinny.

His elbows, shoulders and ribs looked like the bones were only covered up with a thin layer of skin. His _whole body_ looked like skin and bones. Every rib and every bone was clearly visible making Kurt look more vulnerable and sad than he ever did.

A single tear slipped down her cheek when she silently made her way back to the livingroom.

She needed to tell someone.

What the hell was happening to Kurt?

* * *

Just at the same time Blaine Anderson had a problem. A _huge_ problem in his opinion.

The problem was a girl. A girl named Penny Owen, looking heavenly beautiful, loving Katy Perry and Bruno Mars and having a preference for blonde hair.

And Sam wanted to meet her.

Blaine sighed. I all had happened at Lima Bean when she had ran into him and had apologized like a thousand times. Blaine had only laughed and they had met a few times after that. And he knew from the first moment she was the one.

The one girl sent by God to be Sam Evans' girlfriend.

But he wasn't going to lose this battle.

They could never meet.

Right when he made this decision, his phone buzzed.

"Hi?"

"Hi, Blaine. It's Rachel."

"Hey, what's up dear?" There was a brief silence.

"Well, it's … um, it's about Kurt." His heart did a quick stutter.

"W-what's wrong with him, is he-"

"He's just… I came into his room today and … I saw him shirtless." Blaine sighed in relief.

"Oh my God, I thought-"

"No, that's not it."

"What is it Rachel?"

"He's skinny. Like _way too_ skinny."

"What do you mean?"

"You know, he didn't eat much and… the bathroom smelt strange. Like vomit."

"You think-"

"Yes, I do." Blaine thought for a moment.

"I don't, Rachel. Look, Kurt's always been skinny, I think you're reading too much into this."

"O-okay?"

"Come on, Rachel, relax." She sighed.

"Okay, Blaine. See you around some times?"

"Of course. Bye, Rachel!"

"Bye." She hung up.

Blaine frowned and tried to get the image Rachel did just create out of his mind.

Kurt wouldn't.

… Would he?

* * *

**_One week later_**

Blaine put his phone away and frowned confused.

He had called Kurt and told him about Penny and his problems but in the moment he mentioned her and Sam, Kurt told him he had to go.

He had sounded like he was crying.

Huh, weird.

Right when he wanted to do something else, his phone buzzed and showed a text from Penny, inviting him to the Lima Bean in about an hour.

Well, he could use a good distraction.

She was sitting at a table in the back when Blaine arrived. She smiled and waved and he grinned, sitting down next to her.

"Hi! I bought you coffee!"

"Hey! Thanks, you didn't have to. So what is our topic today?" She laughed a little.

"Well, I don't know anything about your friends yet, so…"

"Umm… yeah, there are Artie and Tina… and Rachel…" _and Sam_ "Oh. And _Kurt._" He smiled when he thought of his best friend. Penny raised an eyebrow.

"Sounds like someone special…?"

"Oh, he _is _someone special! He's everything. He's kind and funny and sweet and kind of bitchy sometimes." He giggled a little at that. "And he is always there if I need him and has a solution for every problem and besides that, he is _beautiful._ He looks like an angel." Penny smiles wide.

"I'm sure he does. And how long have you two been together?"

"WHAT?" He feels the heat rising up in his cheeks. Why the hell would she think that, he weren't… were he?

"You… aren't together?"

"No, he's my best friend."

"But you are in love with him, right?" She looked kind of confused.

"Ummm… Why would you think that?"

"Because you just told me he's kind and sweet and beautiful?"

"Oh." His head was spinning. Was he… Was he in Love with Kurt? His heart did a quick stutter at that.

Oh. He probably was.

Penny smiled.

"So?"

"I… I guess, I just didn't realize it."

"Glad I could help! And now you go to New York and live happily ever after." She smiled happily.

"Umm… I could, I guess… If he loves me too."

"You will have to find out! Go for the weekend, it's Friday tomorrow…"

"Okay." He smiled and then took a deep breath.

"But first: Do you want to meet one of my friends? His name is Sam."

* * *

**_The next day in New York_**

"Kurt? I'm home!" Rachel put her bag in a corner.

"Hey, I know you're here! What's up? Everything okay?" She opened the door to his bedroom and saw him lying on his bed.

"Hey sweetheart, are you sleeping?" she sat down on the bed next to him. He looked paler than usual.

And then she saw it.

An empty box next to him.

Sleeping pills.

"Oh my fucking god!"

* * *

**Yeah, cliffhanger xD **

**… Tell me what you think?**

**Love and kisses,**

**Josy**


	2. Chapter 2 - Leaving

**Hey you!**

**Here's part two, I hope you like it!**

**(Prepare you for the worst!)**

**Love and Kisses,**

**Josy**

* * *

**_The same time outside the house_**

Blaine was nervous. There was no way he was going to survive this. The flowers he bought earlier, now lying on the street next to him, seem to laugh at him.

_Why aren't you in there getting your boy instead of staring at us?_

In this moment he hears sirens and an ambulance stopped in front of the house. Suddenly Rachel stormed out of the door, crying and shouting something to the paramedics.

"Second floor, the third door on the right, he's on the bed in the room with the door wide open, please hurry!"

"…Rachel?" She turned and looked at him in shock before wrapping her arms around him and sobbing into his shirt.

"Oh my God, Blaine! It's Kurt, he-"

"What is it, what happened-"

"H-he tried to kill h-himself w-with sleeping pills! I don't know w-what to do!"

He did what?

Blaine tried to wrap his mind about what Rachel said, but it's hard to focus on something when your world is crumbling down around you.

He was crying like hell when one of the paramedics shouted over:

"Miss and Mister? We are going now!" They hurried to sit in the ambulance next to Kurt.

When Blaine got to look at him, he gasped.

"R-rachel, he looks like … a ghost…" She nodded burying her face in Kurt's shirt.  
"That's w-what I was talking a-about in that phonec-call…"

Blaine felt the guilt well up in him.

He should have known.

He should have helped.

He should have been there for him.

He should have… loved him.

Shuddering slightly he took Kurt's hand and kissed the cold knuckles.

"I'm s-so sorry, Kurt… Please stay with m-me… I need you… I l-love you." Rachel looked at him through her tears in shock.

"Y-you do?" Blaine nodded.

"Yeah, I do. I just… didn't r-realize it..:" She sobbed and hid her face in Kurt's shirt again.

Blaine just squeezed his hand looking at him with a desperate wish in his eyes.

_Don't go, Kurt. I love you._

* * *

A few hours later Kurt was lying in a hospital bed looking as pale as before with Blaine and Rachel sitting next to him.

They were still crying.

But the fear was gone.

He was going to make it and that was all they wished for in this moment.

It had been a long fight since the low bodyweight had supported the effect of the sleeping pills, but now it was okay.

After a long hour of silence only broken by their quiet sobs, Rachel pulled out a sheet of paper, handing it to Blaine.

"I f-found this on his nights-stand, it says _For Blaine_ on it, so…"

Blaine nodded taking the letter in his hands shakily and starting to read.

_Dear Blaine,_

_Please don't be mad at me. Please don't. I had to do it._

_Do you remember what you used to say?_

Courage, Kurt, Courage. _But I don't want to have courage anymore. It didn't help me and I'm giving up._

_I tried; I tried so hard, Blaine._

_But what am I writing here, I guess you don't know what I'm talking about, right?_

_So… remember when we first met? You took my hand and brought me to your performance of "Teenage dream". You've been it since then._

_My sweet Teenage dream._

_I love you, Blaine._

_So much, it hurts sometimes. Well, always. And I know you love Sam and there is no way, you're ever going to love me back, but… I just yet realized that. All these Years I thought that sometimes you would get how much I love you and… love me back._

_That's why I tried to… you know, look better. I didn't eat much, I guess, Rachel told you. And I… went to the bathroom often? I don't know how to tell you…_

_Remember when you said, everybody looked like nothing compared to Sam? That's when it all started. But don't feel guilty now, It's not your fault, it's mine._

_I should have been prettier, sexier, more muscular, just… like him._

_I'm sorry I didn't make it. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough._

_Tell Finn he is the best brother in the world and I love him like hell._

_Tell Rachel she's awesome._

_Tell Carole I would have loved to call her mom._

_Tell my dad I love him to pieces and that I'm sorry I was never as good as my mother._

_Tell Mercy she's my boo._

_And tell everybody else how much I love you all. You are my family._

_And for you, Blaine:_

_I love you. Don't miss me._

_Love,_

_Kurt_

_PS: You do know you're my best friend, right? Best friends forever Blaine, remember?_

* * *

**Hate me now? :(**

**There will be a part three and an epilogue, I promise!**

**Love,**

**Josy**


	3. Chapter 3 - Coming home

**Hey!**

**Because my best friend wanted an update… here it is! (Thanks to her! *kiss*)**

**And I seriously love you all, I'm amazed how many people read this story O.o**

**After this there will only be an epilogue!**

**Love and Kisses,**

**Josy**

* * *

_Love, Kurt_

Blaine whimpered. His heart hurt like someone took it and stabbed it. He couldn't see straight.

"Blaine? W-what does it say?" He sobbed.

"Blaine, please talk to me." Rachel reached for his hand.

"He… He d-did it because o-of me… Because I didn't l-love him, and-"

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry-"

"No, it's my fault, he-"

"Blaine, please, he is okay, he won't die-"

"You w-were right, he didn't eat a-and the vomit in your bathroom, it w-was all true and I said, you read t-too much into it-"

"Stop, Blaine, please stop." She squeezed his hand.

"He will be okay. You love him, he loves you. You'll be together forever. _He'll be okay_!" He gulped.

"Okay."

* * *

A few hours later Burt, Carole and Finn arrived. Blaine let them alone for awhile and sat in the waitingroom until Burt opened the door and took a seat next to him, looking at him questioning.

"Blaine… Rachel said, he left a letter for you and you knew… why he did … _this_."

"Y-yeah, I do. But… please don't be mad at me." Burt smiled weakly.

"I won't. You know, I'm busy being happy that my son is alive, there is no space left in my heart to be mad at you." Blaine nodded.

"Okay. So… he did it… because of m-me. Because he thought I didn't love him." Burt's eyes widened.

"Oh. But… wait, he _thought_? So you _do_ love him?"

"Yeah. I do. But I didn't know _he_ loved _me_." Burt grinned sadly.

"I knew."

"_What_?!" He shrugged.

"You must have been extremely oblivious if you didn't realize it. He is head over heels for you." Blaine felt the tear sting in his eyes.

"I didn't know. And I'm sorry. _So_ sorry. And… he told me to tell you something."

"Good stuff or bad stuff?"

"Both. Do you want to-"

"Yes, please tell me, kid, I really need to know what happened to the usually so well working brain of my son to do this." Blaine giggled wetly.

"Well… He told me to tell Finn he's the best brother in the world and he loves him like hell. And Carole… that he would have loved to call her … m-mom." Blaine was crying again in this moment.

So was Burt. Silent tears were streaming down his face and he gripped Blaine's shoulder tightly.

"And… he told me to tell you he loved you to pieces and that he's sorry."

"What the hell for?!"

"For… not being as good as his mother." Burt whimpered right when the door swung open and a smiling Carole poked her head outside.

"He's awake!" Burt and Blaine hurried to Kurt's bed, only to see a pale Kurt lying between the sheets and smiling kind of ashamed. Burt hugged him tightly."

"Oh, kiddo…"

"I'm okay, dad, don't… I'm sorry."

"Don't be. And especially not for allegedly not being as good as your mother."

Kurt froze, turning his head to face Blaine who was crying again. Then he hissed sharply:

"Dad, Carole, Finn and Rachel? Would you please let Blaine and me alone for a moment?"

They all looked curious but go outside, closing the door gently behind them.

Blaine sat down next to Kurt and sighed. But Kurt just glared at him angrily.

"Why the hell did you read that letter?"

"I… I thought you wrote it for m-me?"

"I did, but I didn't want you to know."

"So… you didn't mean it?" Blaine was watching him anxiously until Kurt shook his head silently.

"No, I _did_ mean it, but I didn't want you to know, while I'm alive, damn it! Why couldn't you have just let me die? Why couldn't you?"

Blaine froze and tried to suppress the sudden anger building up in his veins. Then he gulped.

"Stop. Please don't say anything more." Kurt looked at him confused.

"What the- Why?"

"Because it fucking hurts! Because it feels like you cut my freaking heart with every word you say, you stupid, stupid, wonderful person!" He reached for Kurt's hand and clutched at it tightly. Kurt's jaw dropped in shock.

"It… What?"

"Kurt, when you wrote that letter, you must have been hating me so much, because it killed me to read it. I killed me to read that you were hurting yourself by not eating and even vomiting, just because you thought stupid little me didn't love your kindness and caring and-"

"Wait." Kurt looked at him mischievous with wide eyes.

"What are you trying to say here?" Blaine took a deep breath.

"I'm trying to say that I love you since, like, ever, and I just realized it yesterday and when I came here to tell you, you were nearly dead, leaving me with just a letter, saying you loved me too and when you're finally awake, you say you just want to be dead!? Kurt, that's just… impossible, you just can't… you can't. I can't take that."

Kurt was crying too now, clutching at Blaine's hand like at a lifeline.

"You… You love me?" Blaine nodded blushing and stroked Kurt's hand with his thumb.

"I mean, I don't want to pressure you into anything, because you just tried to kill yourself because of me and you have every right to hate me, but-"

"Shut up and come here, Blaine."

"W-what?" Kurt smiled.

"The sleeping pills are still in my blood and I don't think I can sit up yet, so would you please come here?!" Blaine hesitated but finally scooted a little closer leaning in and looking at Kurt curiously. But Kurt just smiled weakly, cupped his cheek in one hand an pressed his lips on Blaine's.

The shorter boy froze but after two long seconds he took a sharp breath and kissed him back lovingly. Kurt sighed and pulled him closer, but when Blaine's hands touched Kurt's chest, he pulled back in shock.

"Oh my god, Kurt, you're so, so skinny!" The pale boy looked a little ashamed.

"Well, you were going on about how muscular and skinny he was and I just… freaked out, I guess… And it possibly was the right thing to do, wasn't it? I mean, you realized you were in love with me _after_ I became so skinny, so…"

"Don't you dare think things like that ever again, Kurt!" Blaine looked at him furious.

"That I realized that am in love with you had nothing to do with your outward appearance! It was yesterday at Lima Bean, when I talked to Penny-" Kurt raised an eyebrow.

"The girl. _Sam's_ girl."

"Oh."

"Yeah, well, she asked me about my friends and I told her about Tina and Artie and then I started talking about you! God, I couldn't stop! I just kept on rambling about how awesome you were and then she freaking asked me how long we were together!" Kurt smiled weakly.

"And I was all like, Oh, so I'm in love with Kurt? Why did nobody tell me that?! And then I came here and you… well, you know the rest."

"I… I do." Blaine sighed and rested his head on Kurt's chest.

"So…" Kurt gulped. And started stroking Blaine's head.

"What is…. This?" Blaine looks up at him and took his hand.

"You mean… us?"

"Yeah…?"

"Kurt, why are you looking this unsure? I love you, okay? If you want to be with me, you are!" Kurt snorted.

"Of course I want to be with you, what were you thinking? Love you too, by the way." Blaine smiled.

"Well, I'm glad then." Kurt smiled too and pulled him back in for a kiss.

"Hey guys, wha- Oh, um… Hi?" The door was opened and Sam stormed in, holding tightly on Penny's hand. Kurt and Blaine parted laughing.

"Hi to you too." Then Kurt raised an eyebrow at their joined hands.

"Wow, things are happening fast!" Sam blushed.

"Oh well… anyway, we just wanted to ,make sure, you're at least alive, Kurt." Kurt smiled and glanced at Blaine."

"I am. Now that Blaine and I - _Oh my God_, that was the cheesiest thing I ever dared saying!" Blaine laughed loudly.

"Well, I definitely don't mind."

"Hey, you owe me something, Blaine!" Penny grinned.

"But we'll go now and say hello to your parents, Kurt. Come on, Sam!"

"I'm coming!" Sam grinned at Blaine, giving him thumbs up and then following Penny through the door, closing it behind him.

Blaine sighed.

"I'm sorry, Kurt…"

"For what?" Kurt was literally confused.

"Well… for needing her advice to realize I'm in love with you. And-"

"Hey…" Kurt reached for Blaine's hand and kissed him lightly on the nose.

"At least you love me _now_." Blaine smiled.

"Yes, I do. So _very_ much."

* * *

**… Like me again? xD (Yuppieh, everything is great!)**

**So, now you can keep on waiting for the epilogue! *evil laugh***

**Tell me what you think? Reviews really make my day!**

**Love and Kisses,**

**Josy**


	4. Chapter 4 - Not alone anymore

**Hey! Merry Christmas everyone!**

**So here is the epilogue, I hope you like it! SupermegafoxyawesomehotDC wanted some Finn/Kurt, so here it is! Not that I wasn't happy to obey at all :)**

**I want to thank everyone who reads this story and every wonderful person reviewing. You are the best!**

**Greetings to my best friend Friedi, I love you to pieces.**

**Love and Kisses,**

**Josy**

* * *

"Finn? What's up? Why are you calling?" Finn's shaky breathing sounded weird through the speaker of his cellphone.

"Kurt, hey! I … I gotta tell you something…"

"Sounds important." Kurt kept on chopping fruit with one hand while holding the phone with the other.

"Um… yeah. It is. So…. Rachelispregnant."

"What? Didn't get that…" Finn took a deep breath.

"I said Rachel is pregnant." Kurt dropped the phone.

"Kurt? Kurt, hey, is everything okay?" He hurried to pick up the hone again.

"Um, yeah, of course, just… What the hell, Finn?! That's awesome!" Finn laughed.

"Yeah, well, it is. We're so happy."

"Do you know if it's a boy or a girl yet?"

"Yeah…?"

"Come on, tell me!" Kurt was grinning like mad. His brother was going to be a father!

"Okay, so… It's a boy."

"That's great, Finn! I guess, he'll become a huge kindhearted teddy bear like his father, hu?" Finn giggled.

"I certainly hope he'll be more like Rachel. He shouldn't get my laziness."

"That's sweet of you, big teddy-bear-brother!"

"You know… there's something else."

"I'm listening."

"We… somehow came up with a name already."

"You did? What is it?" Finn laughed awkwardly.

"Well, um…. If it doesn't offend you, we'd like to name him… Burt." Kurt felt tears sting in his eyes.

"You - really?"

"Yeah, I mean… I wanted to name him after his grandfather. And that's Burt, like, definitely." A single tear slipped down Kurt's cheek.

"Oh ma, that's so sweet, like, cotton-candy-sweet, Finn! I'd like that a lot."

"Thanks, Kurt. Means a lot that you approve." Kurt smiled.

"'Course I do. Love you, Finn."

"Love you too, bro." He could hear Finn grinning like hell. Kurt giggled too. **(1)**

"Finn, it just sounds so weird saying _Love_ and _Bro_ in one sentence!"

"Well, it's the truth, and if I just said I love you, it'd sound gay."

"And we wouldn't want that."

Suddenly the front door burst open and a crying fifteen year old girl stormed in, looking at Kurt miserably. He immediately told Finn there was some trouble going on and that he was going to call him later, set the phone down and hugged her tightly.

Well, that was something.

He didn't like seeing his daughter cry at all.

* * *

"Oh m god, Blaine, I'm so glad you're here!" Kurt wrapped his arms around his husband and sighed in relief.

"Wha - Kurt, honey, what's going on?" He closed the door behind him and hugged Kurt gently.

"Alice came home and she wouldn't stop crying and I don't know what to do anymore, because she wouldn't tell me what's wrong, and you usually get along with her so well, and you weren't - "

"Hey, baby, calm down. She'll be okay. She's a teenager after all. Where are Fred and Josy?" **(2)**

"Fred is still in school and Josy is in her room, I guess. She found your CDs." Blaine grinned a little while slipping his coat off.

"Well, in case she likes them…"

"Oh, she _does_ like them. A _lot_. Will you try and talk to Lizzie?"

"Of course. For my little white rabbit, I'd do anything." Kurt snorted.

"You seriously need to stop calling her that. She's fifteen now, you know? Don't you think it's going to bother her?"

"Oh, it will, it will. But _I_ like it, so…" Kurt smiled and took his husband's hand pulling him towards the stairs.

"Come on, your little rabbit needs you!"

"okay, okay, I'm coming." As soon as they both reached second floor Blaine could hear loud crying from the first room on the left. He glanced at Kurt who squeezed his hand and knocked on the door gently.

"Hey, Lizzie, sweetie, it's me."

"D-daddy?"

"Yes, little rabbit. Will you let me in?" There was a brief silence and then she opened the door. Blaine wrapped his arms around her immediately. She had grown a lot and even if she was at least two inches taller than him now, she still was his little girl.

She looked at him sadly.

"D-daddy, I…"

"Hey, it's okay, Lizzie. Sit down." He gestured to the bed and she obeyed, pulling him down next to her. Kurt sat down on the desk.

"What is it, sweetie?" She sobbed.

"I-it was that g-guy, he… "

"What did he do?"

"He k-kept calling me … f-fag-daughter and stuff… and I j-just wanted to-" Blaine tilted her chin up so she looked at him.

"He's an asshole, obviously. Don't give a damn."

"BLAINE!"

"Sorry, Kurt." He smiled at his daughter encouraging. But she just cried even harder.

"I c-can't, I… I liked him, you know, and now he… I just w-want to die, why can't I just die? It w-would be over." Blaine whimpered.

And then he broke down crying and ran through the open door to their bedroom.

"Blaine! Honey, please come back, she didn't mean it, you know that!" But Blaine just shut the door behind him.

"Daddy! Oh my god… I'm sorry, I didn't think, I-" Lizzie gulped and looked at Kurt.

"He never cries, Papa." Kurt smiled weakly.

"I know that, sweetie. But he used to. He cried on our Wedding, did you know?" She nodded.

"Yes, I know, but… not like this, I believe." Kurt sighed and sat down next to her on the bed, patting her knee.

"Sweetie… Your Dad and I… we had a rough time when we were young. He was crying a lot back then." She narrowed her eyes.

"What do you mean, Papa?"

"I mean…" Kurt sighed. He hadn't ever wanted to tell his daughter anything about this escapade in his life. But, well, now he didn't really have a choice.

"I tried to kill myself when I was nineteen." Her eyes became huge.

"Oh my God, Papa, what did you- I mean, why?" she hesitated a moment, but then stood up and sat down in his lap like she used to do as a little girl.

"I… that's a long story. But okay, I'll try to explain. Back then your Daddy and I were best friends. I was in love with him, and he was in love with me, but he didn't realize it." Alice smiled wetly.

"Sounds like him."

"Hm-hm. You know… It was hard. Especially when he had this huge crush on Sam. You know, Sam Evans, the model?" She nodded.

"Yeah, well… I thought, he didn't like me, because of my body."

"Papa! Daddy isn't like that!"

"I know that now. But… you know… back then I tried to make myself look better. Have you ever heard of Bulimia?"

"What the hell, Papa?! Are you serious?"

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. But I did it. And again your Dad didn't realize anything. After a few months I was so broken. I tried to kill myself with sleeping pills. But Rachel found me."

"My aunt?"

"Yes, the same. And unfortunately your dad was there too, because he had just realized his undying love for me, which is typical for your dad. Always in the wrong moment." She smiled again.

"When I woke up, I told him, I just wanted to die. That he shouldn't have saved me. But he did. Again and again in my life. It was hard to eat again after that long period, you know? Your dad fed me and I could eat. I couldn't sleep a long time, but when your dad slept near me, I could. Although he saved me, he never felt like he did. He was as broken as me, when I did it. And now imagine his daughter telling him, she wants to die, too? What would you do then, hu? Laugh?" She winced and stood up from Kurt's lap.

"I'm sorry, Papa. May I go and say sorry to Daddy too?" He smiled.

"I want to say a few things to him first, okay? Just wait a few minutes, Lizzie." She nodded and Kurt stood up, walked over to their bedroom-door and knocked. It was silent.

"Blaine... My love, may I come in?"

"Y-yeah, of course." Kurt opened the door gently and took a step in. Blaine was lying on the bed, his head buried deep in a pillow. Kurt could hear him sobbing and his shoulders were shaking. Kurt sat gently on the bed next to him and began rubbing soothing circles on his back.

"Blaine. You know I love you. And she loves you too. So just ignore what she said, she didn't mean it anyway, she loves-"

"Then why?" W-why am I never reason enough to stay alive?" Blaine cried even harder and Kurt could feel his heart breaking.

"My Love, you literally _are_ my reason."

"B-but you had me when you… when you did…"

"I know that now, honey."

"No, I mean… I was your best friend back then a-and it w-wasn't reason enough-"

"Blaine, sweetie… I was selfish when I did that and I know it. I didn't think about you and your feelings, I just thought about how it hurt _me_ not to be able to kiss you, hold you and be your boyfriend. I didn't think it would hurt you, you know? I thought you weren't going to miss me-"

"But I-I did! I l-loved you-"

"_Loved_?" Kurt smirked a little.

"No, okay, I love you still." Blaine hid his smile in the pillow.

"Sweetie?"

"Hm?"

"Would you look at me?"

"No."

Kurt sighed.

"Why not?"

"Because I look shitty when I cry. And this pillow smells like you." Kurt giggled. Blaine was still as adorable as in highschool.

"Aaaw, you can hug me instead of that pillow, I smell a lot like me!" Blaine giggled too and looked up at him; his eyes still red from all the crying.

"May I?" Kurt pulled his husband into his lap and wrapped his arms around him.

"You never have to ask." Blaine sighed and hid his face in his husband's neck.

"Daddy?"

"Why is he crying, Lizzie?"

"He looks like you when you cry, Freddie." The whispering voices of their children interrupted their little hug. Kurt smiled and turned his head.

There they were, standing side by side in the door frame.

Alice with her long brunette hair and Kurt's blue eyes.

Fred with the curly mop of dark hair and the mossy-green-hazel eyes of his daddy.

And Josy with the red-haired ponytail and freckles on her little nose.

Blaine hid his smile in Kurt's shoulder when he heard their voices. Kurt giggled.

"Come here, kids, your daddy needs a cuddle-session!"

"Yeah!" They all squeal and run towards the bed jumping on Blaine's back and hugging their two dads. Blaine laughed loudly, turned, and hugged them back.

"I love cuddling you, daddy. You are like a big teddy-bear." Josy whispered and hid her little face in her dad's chest. Freddie giggled.

"She's right, dad." Blaine pouted what made Fred giggle even harder. But Alice just looked at her daddy any gulped.

"Daddy?"

"Yeah, little rabbit?"

"I-I'm sorry."

"Yes, me too. Come on, kid." He hugged her tightly and she smiled into his chest.

Sometimes she was going to show him, how happy she was to be alive.

Just like her Papa.

* * *

**Well…?**

**Did you like it? Tell me, reviews make my day!**

**Oh and btw:**

**(1) I figured, that, since Kurt told Finn he loved him in the letter he left, they would be more open with saying these things. That okay?**

**(2) So… These children… The first one is fifteen in the epilogue, her name is Alice and she is technically Kurt's daughter. The second one is eleven, named Freddie (After my best friend Friedi (I do know she's a girl, I just didn't find any fitting girl's name in English)) and his father is technically Blaine. The third one is… basically? Me. xD But well, she's adopted and her name is Josy. She's six. I had to be in this family. :) You will hear more about them in my Story "Pride" if I ever finish it at all :/**

**Love you all!**

**Kisses,**


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